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Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #702783
Thu Jan 18 2018 07:38 PM
Thu Jan 18 2018 07:38 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,856
Devils Lake, ND---USA
K W FRITH Offline
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K W FRITH  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,856
Devils Lake, ND---USA




When God Sends You Help,

Don't Ask Questions



A woman ran out of one of her prescriptions, so she hurried to the pharmacy to get the medication, but when she got back to her car she found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said: "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.

Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car and I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute, the car was open.

She hugged the man and through her tears said: "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man."

The man heard her little prayer and replied: "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"

Is GOD great or what!?


Everything Cities Service
Specializing in old Gas Pumps
kwfrith@gondtc.com
Cell#-701-739-6133
Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #703711
Fri Feb 02 2018 02:46 PM
Fri Feb 02 2018 02:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,713
Near Tracy Rock
H
huskybob Offline
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H
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,713
Near Tracy Rock
A few on Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris never calls the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Waldo was hiding from Chuck Norris.
How many pushups can Chuck Norris Do? All of them.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Simon does what Chuck Norris Says .....
Chuck Norris won the Tour de France, on a stationary bike...
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
The Boogie Man checks under his bed each night for Chuck Norris before going to sleep.
Chuck Norris doesn't cut his grass, he just dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Do you know why infinity goes on forever?...Because it knows Chuck will be waiting for it to end.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
The big bang was the universe getting out of Chuck's way.
Chuck Norris won an argument with his wife.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
The last time Chuck Norris sneezed, Earth was rotating on the opposite direction.
When Chuck Norris was born he didn't cry, so the doctor slapped him on the bottom. After 2 surgeries and 6 months of rehab, thankfully, the doctor was able to return to work.

Re: Todays Funny [Re: huskybob] #703801
Sat Feb 03 2018 08:51 PM
Sat Feb 03 2018 08:51 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,233
Maryland
Nicole Offline
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Nicole  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,233
Maryland
So Huskybob

Is there anything Chuck Norris can't do? Wait--I know this one! NO! grin grin grin

Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #709133
Fri May 04 2018 09:16 PM
Fri May 04 2018 09:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,713
Near Tracy Rock
H
huskybob Offline
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huskybob  Offline
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H
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,713
Near Tracy Rock
An 84-year-old man is having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats
away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring,
and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do
anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual
it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition".

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is "You have to tell me
what you want me to do in just three words.

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $100
dollars in her hand --- He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."

(Our needs change as we get older)

Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #710226
Fri May 25 2018 08:50 PM
Fri May 25 2018 08:50 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,233
Maryland
Nicole Offline
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Nicole  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,233
Maryland
Just saw this on the web (hope it hasn't been on here before).

ST. PETER: So, tell me a bit about yourself

STEVE MILLER: Well, I'm a picker…

ST. PETER: Ok

STEVE MILLER: I'm a grinner…

ST. PETER: Go on

STEVE MILLER: I'm a lover…

ST. PETER: Anything else?

STEVE MILLER: Uh…

ST. PETER: Yes?

STEVE MILLER: No that's it

Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #710533
Wed May 30 2018 03:51 PM
Wed May 30 2018 03:51 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,856
Devils Lake, ND---USA
K W FRITH Offline
Veteran Member
K W FRITH  Offline
Veteran Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,856
Devils Lake, ND---USA
Will I Live to see 85?

For all of us of a certain age .. Here's something to think about...

I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am past seventy).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'
She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said ...
She looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a darn?


Everything Cities Service
Specializing in old Gas Pumps
kwfrith@gondtc.com
Cell#-701-739-6133
Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #710911
Tue Jun 05 2018 02:30 PM
Tue Jun 05 2018 02:30 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,233
Maryland
Nicole Offline
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Nicole  Offline
Veteran Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,233
Maryland
Saw on the web--probably an oldie...

Dear Algebra,

Please stop asking us to find your X.
She's never coming back, and please don't ask y.

Re: Todays Funny [Re: Cold Pizza] #719278
Thu Nov 08 2018 10:38 AM
Thu Nov 08 2018 10:38 AM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 4,228
Illinois
Cold Pizza Online content OP
Veteran Member
Cold Pizza  Online Content OP
Veteran Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 4,228
Illinois
One of the funniest scenes ever,especially the last 5 seconds.. wink



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